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Apocalypse Meditations

I came to terms with my mortality at a young age. It was 2006. I was 18, commuting to college on the Metra, reading Stephen King’s The Dark Tower. (I think it was book five, but I’m not sure.)

I put the book down and looked out the window: “I am going to die.”

It was a slight whisper of a thought at first. Then it grew. I repeated it in my mind with increased confidence and certainty. After five or six iterations I was at peace with the finality.


Amidst my spiraling depression and anxiety of 2019, I started what I lovingly call apocalypse meditations. These spawned from the work I’ve done with the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. Essentially, apocalypse meditations are both an inventory and an acceptance of where you are in life right now. They take the form of a series of bubbling, mutating pieces of self-inquiry:

  • One day I will die.
  • If I were to die today, am I at peace with those I love?
  • If I were to die today, what unsaid things do I wish I had said?
  • If I were to die today, would I look back on my life with acceptance?
  • One day I will die.
  • If I were to die today…

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